2025-01-11

Yeah, so this day has been kind of a nudge towards doing creative work full-time. A lot has been happening in the background: testing some hardware, various types of software--just basically trying to optimize my setup towards my vision of freedom. One step at a time. Trying to achieve that balance of work, play, and rest.

Today, I am confronted by the limitations of my own hardware. I actually did not expect that I would hit one of the walls this soon, just two months after getting this new laptop. This week has been actually all about limitations. Exploring what these limits might mean. Which limitations can I push and which is out of my control. My perfectionism is running on full steam and it seems like I am entering the familiar road that can end in a possibility of failure. I am being too careful. I am acting very precise about planning because I feel like the quality of its execution will dictate how soon can I take full control of my life.

It may seem that I am putting too much at stake here when basically I am only talking about my creative pursuits. This website is one of them. This is the first step. While at the same time, I am also planning several first steps along the way. At the back of my head, a lot of processes are running so I would not lose grasp of my vision. I'm taking it all in as I make time to live my personal life.

Let this be a future reminder that I have talked to myself about taking a break, or at least take some day off from thinking about the future. What often fuels me is obsession. But it's not a healthy relationship with creation because I think I have a lot on my hands right now: things that I love having and want to keep, places where I want to go, these aspiration, which is the present and a vision of a future that I can see. I hold these things very dear and I know changing direction in terms of my career will only make it more difficult for me to handle all of these things simultaneously so I should not let the rush of excitement fill me up everyday.