2025-01-21

I can say for sure that I choose to see people act with good intentions. I choose this because I do not want to be caught up in the momentum of spiraling pessimism, when it would get me to a point that the world becomes a bleak and unbearable place solely because of the simple fact that humans exist.

I know how it feels to hate everyone. It is a path towards self-destruction and denial of the self. After deciding to see the good in people, I found that assuming the worst in people is such an easy thing to do. While I do have an apprehension towards doing things the easy way, I found it to be equally inefficient if you are serious about improving yourself. Perhaps this is why I am inclined to say that suffering is essential to one's growth. But up until now, I did not see that I will ask myself the question "why am I willing to suffer for this?"

It struck me as odd because I know that I have already committed to a life not of suffering but a life that embraces it. With a mindset that continuously evaluates the degrees of suffering and that actively chooses the one that I must face the consequence of, I become more whole. Out of duty, I take the pain that I deserve, willingly, to understand myself better by putting myself in situations where I am forced to act according to my true self. Again, it becomes another form of commitment and standing up to the version of me that I would like to be.

When there is no escape, we become forced to act according to our truest nature. Now, our truest nature can be developed whether it be consciously or subconsciously. By default, our true nature is always developed subconsciously. This is where self-denial and self-delusion is most prominent and active because it will always fight against whatever threatens the established subconscious self. In this case, is where one is most unaware of themselves because they operate on the layer of always trying to protect the self that was naturally formed by their own experience of the world without deliberate thought. It was not formed by what the true self wants. It is always formed by the world for that specific person. Therein lies the conflict of a "true self" where in having one would always require the person to abolish the self that the world has created for them.

There is truth in saying that a single person is a reflection of the world. On the other hand, a person can become their own world. These are the polar opposites of how the world creates our self for us when there is no self-direction and how it may look like from inside out. Relying on fate, on the same familiar paths other people before us have left us: there is always a melancholic undertone in knowing that one is confused about the person that they are. When dreams are difficult to define, when desires are not questioned, when one's own reality is not redefined—these are the entryways towards suffering. The self is a void before the emergence of self-awareness necessary to construct the true self. Suffering brings us closer to the awareness that we are alive and we are a conscious living being trying to make sense of everything in this world.

In every moment suffering is felt, it is always an opportunity to know the underlying self that feels the pain and explore why the pain exists. However, this is only an indicator of a chance for a possibility of self-knowledge. The next step is to stay true to oneself in order to discover the carve one's true self with their own consciousness.