2025-02-07

I saw these tweets today:

if someone comes to me for help with chronic procrastination now, i don't start with emotional blocks, productivity or inner anything

i ask about sleep. if their sleep isn't solid that's where the work starts

procrastination can often be the body running on battery-saving mode

— nibras ꩜ (@heynibras) December 12, 2024

once sleep is on lock then emotional bottlenecks can be explored e.g.

any time i noticed myself procrastinating in the last days i asked myself, “what emotion am i trying to avoid feeling?”

then i spend 5mins seeing if i can bring up the feeling and explore it

after that i https://t.co/CQGmhCnTe8

— nibras ꩜ (@heynibras) February 6, 2025

and it seems crazy how I have just went through this kind of experience lately. I know February started on a bad note and it hasn't been getting any better since then. I watched a lot of shows, my mind is in shambles, I tried running away from the self that I am trying to create, and would you look at that: each day felt like a tell-tale sign that I am not good on the emotional side of things and it has been affecting my mental state. I fucked up my body clock last weekend and I haven't been able to wake up before my alarm. Honestly, it's been a while since I relied on my alarm for me to wake up in the morning. I usually wake up before it and disable it when my eyes are already wide open. Then I'm all ready to set forth with my day.

However, I wasn't able to do that in the past few days. I consciously started to stay awake after my alarm today, which brought me to a better headspace going through today. Although there are still hiccups (napping midday and staying away from work for hours), I think I did well today in trying to recover. Then I saw that tweet earlier this morning which made a lot of sense. At least in my experience, it is not about having a good sleep for me. In the end, it's all about being able to decide to wake up.

I find it destabilizing to be woken up by an alarm. I feel like it's not my choice to wake up. That something is forcing me to do things I'm not prepared for, thus relying on a reminder that I should do it. I only apply this in waking up because I take it as a symbol of willfully opening myself to the world upon opening my eyes. Since I didn't feel okay last weekend and slept through the whole morning, my body clock snowballed away from my usual routine.

I might have been distracting myself by watching shows and avoiding coming into terms with my tendency to procrastinate. I've been going through days unprepared and not willfully committed to the future present. The path to recovery is now clear. I must only walk over it. See you on the other side.