2025-02-23

I was out the whole day yesterday for a trip and I did not bring my laptop with me. It was a trip with friends (and our dogs) to a nearby private resort so needless to say that it was an eventful day. The whole day was spent with introductions and catching up with all of them, exchanging stories, playing card games, singing karaoke, and taking some shots of tequila on the side. We just got back to our house this morning and felt age is creeping up slowly in my body.

Nonetheless, I was able to take some rest today, being able to catch a nap and watch two movies, which I will find time to write about in the near future (this one is on Conclave). This month has been all about testing what I am capable of enacting the the things that I write in different levels of challenges, leading me to deliberate on my actions as I feel the temptation of running away and take the easier way out of these situations. It's becoming difficult to distinguish between letting go and deluding myself with reason to not choose the more difficult path in exchange of convenience. So I am struggling to determine how much honest am I with myself at this moment now that I was able to articulate what I think and know about duty, faith, and discipline.

Speaking, articulating, and writing what I believe inadvertently confines me into the rigid walls of how I want my life and myself to be. The system is now in place, revising itself, and enforcing its laws upon my very actions. In order for this framework to work, I must live through all of my perceived inconveniences and compound my realizations, my experiences, and my falsified assumptions into the synthesis of how I want to become.

I believe that I am starting to practice what I preach. But deep down, I know that there is a voice saying that we are only getting started and the hard part hasn't even begun.