In Praise of Deliberate Decisions

There are times when letting go is the key for a peaceful life. It lessens the friction inherent in social interactions, human relationships, and ultimately, life. Letting go requires us to choose to do nothing and let that inaction drive us towards a fateful encounter that is neither right nor wrong—under the blanket of idea that says, “that’s just how things are.” Letting the world dictate what is “right” for us, putting absolute trust on fate to drive us towards what we think belongs to us or deserve, is a naive delusion of a romantic. A romantic who thinks destiny is a divine mover of objects, which in turn reduces themself to be an object and not a subject. A romantic who decides to be moved by the world.

It is not a perverse idea on its own. We must permit the world to move us. We must let the world fill us with its vastness to allow us to feel that we can become more than human while at the same time, remind us of our fragile mortality. It is in this duality where we must thrive in accordance with who we are and our objective relationship with the universe. This push and pull of different states, filling us up and then emptying us down with energies that are up to us to express to the world using our emotions and intellect. It is in this struggle, this back-and-forth movement of certain polarities, the ricocheting of various states and its journey that is the foundation not only of life but with what makes us feel alive. It is the core sensibility of claiming your humanity against various attempts of other subjects to claim your humanity for their own.

Because it is true that the world has its own system of motions and that we are all caught up in it. The world is the ultimate puppeteer of objects to serve what it must to sustain itself. However, when one fully surrenders to it, the self becomes inanimate.

While to some extent, there is a level of objectivity that we must apply in life, which is in seeing and being with the world, there must be a distance: a divide that separates the degree of our attachment to the world so we can have enough room to grow, that space of movement to work on ourselves as an individual. The world cannot occupy us if we want to be in control of our lives.

The world is always what is external to us. This includes even people, who are external subjects, who are their own world in and of themselves, who are also coming into terms with the world in their own way of claiming their humanity. In this sense, the world is a battlefield of decisions, with independent intentions often clashing with one another, where a person caught up in the middle would become entangled and beat by decisions thrown around in every direction. How does one manage to get caught in the middle of this?

Someone who has lost the agency to decide for himself is always the victim in this war. Every single day we make a decision to do what we want to do, whether or not they are aligned with our principles and values (if ever a person have these). However, there is a quality to each decision that decide how you will be placed into the world’s battlefield.

Every decision made does not always mean that it was you who made it. A lot of external factors are at play in making decisions in which we are sometimes forced into and did not intend. In failing to see decisions forced into our throat, we relinquish our power to choose and forge a path for ourselves. Once we are stripped away of our self-agency, the world rolls its dice, and the outcome becomes a “decision.”

Inaction is the primary culprit. When faced with a choice, we often choose the path of least resistance, or to put it simply: the choice that puts us in a position where no social conflict may occur. Choices as common as being invited to a party from a friend or an acquaintance, or a friend even. Given the personal context of one’s prior commitments, schedule, the occasion’s importance, social battery, and other factors that may drive a final decision to this invite, would you accept or decline?

Of course, there is no right or wrong answer on how to go about this because this is purely situational. However, whenever one finds forced to accept such an invite, to the degree of neglecting one’s own duties for the sake of social approval and to avoid further conflict, it puts one’s emotional responsibilities at risk. Consequentially, boundaries blur in the absence of a deliberate decision. Deliberate in this sense, strictly refers to the conscious decision that is aligned with the person’s values and principles in life. Meaning, a decision is only made deliberately if it is in accordance with what the person wants now and for their future. Inversely, a deliberate choice does not disrupt a person’s emotional equilibrium.

This deliberate action is accentuated by one’s ability to exude confidence with the decision. One is able to calmly defend and honestly stand by their decision, building integrity. Oftentimes, if a deliberate decision is made to decline an offer, similar to what we have laid down before as an example, it can be perceived as the decliner’s sheer selfishness. However, despite that this certain perception is often unavoidable, those who hold this position to perceive a deliberate action to be selfish are those who are insecure and emotionally immature—for the simple fact that they are not able to understand that every single person may exert their agency over their actions. Quite more possibly, it may be taken as a personal offense because they are not able to comprehend that some decisions are done without the direct concern of other people, most especially if they are not directly affected by it.

In the same vein, each person is not wholly responsible for the other’s emotional state, especially if the relationship is transactional or situational (strangers, co-workers, and acquaintances). The emotional aspect of our responsibility in making deliberate decisions is to make our intentions known as honest as we can with tactful delivery. The former can be easily executed. The latter requires gracefulness and finesse to greatly reduce misunderstandings that comes with being honest.

Basically, it only requires two things:

1. A clear sense of personal boundaries, values, and principles.
2. A healthy form of communication to express number 1.

Other people’s reaction to your decision is a secondary concern and is only significant in more intimate relationships. Becoming invested and caring too much about the reactions of people in your transactional relationships may lead you towards the habit of people pleasing. Worrying about how other people perceive you instead of your life priorities will leave you dry and throws you into the endless current of the decisions of other people.

To dial back, it must be mentioned that doing number 1 requires a lot of prior legwork to exercise because it coincides with one’s own clear idea of self. It requires radical self-awareness that builds on one’s character, habits, a clear perspective of goals and how to achieve them. It also requires a lot of self-honesty and a healthy dose of self-criticism to ensure that a deliberate decision stays true in the path of reason. Making a “deliberate decision” with malicious intent or for the sake of it by just committing to it without self-honesty and tactfulness, is irresponsible. Anyone can make a deliberate decision which also aims to hurt other people. Anyone can be deliberate about harm and commit to violent acts as long as it serves their intention and interests. These actions are not acts to claim one’s humanity but instead forfeits the space provided in themselves for their humanity.

Only when the self is realized can it then fully give back to the world from where it has borrowed its resources creating itself. Each decision, made in almost infinite contexts, has the ability to either make or unmake the self. In making deliberate decisions, the self becomes whole, allowing all overflows and excess to be given to the world allowing for love that does not expect anything in return.

The wholeness of the self is the beginning of the world.