2026-03-24

What I would like to imagine is to deeply free myself from one polarity, where "grief" is one pole while the other remains an indefinitely (and deliberately) undefined destination. Perhaps another form of freedom but that which does not separate me from grief. I want to be held within and in between this tension of a present understanding of the past and the unknowability of the future. In itself, immediately, I recognize this as my own inability to accept what left me through grief. I become a slave to this tension.

This refusal to move. This desire for stasis that acts as a temporary reprieve, to hide, as a way to recuperate from loss by losing myself, hoping to validate this false method of healing because denial overshadows the unknown hope for a foreseeable future.