2025-07-11

I keep going back to the concepts that used to fill my head in the past few months: faith, divinity, freedom, and self. I have spent a lot of time trying to define the framework on how can I understand these concepts and use them on how I view the world. Did I feel that I have more freedom, ever since? Do I think that even if I haven't been thinking a lot about the practice of faith, would I still consider if I am full of it? And what about writing my own narrative in explicitly treading the nuance of defining a "true self?" Do I still think that my previous musings hold enough truth that I can still stand by what I think is right?

Revisiting these ideas also made me realize about how long I haven't thought about them since. Going back through my logs, I haven't had any philosophical entry perhaps since May. No strenuous thinking was done abought high abstract concepts but more movement. More action. More doing. More conceptualizing about the things I want to do and not about the things I'm thinking about.

As of now, it still feels like I am collecting dust in critical thinking but I know that's not true. Perhaps the abstraction of thought has become less conceptually philosophical but more conceptually actionable. I have been designing my own workflows or at least attempt to map out how I might be able to make things efficient in producing the things that I want to do. I feel like I am slowly trying to integrate the things I have been thinking about in the past few months. Those musings about freedom is transforming into agency, faith is my fuel in dealing with uncertainty, and self is my cornerstone in doing the things I want to do. I make the things that I want to become the things I need. It feels like a multi-faceted obsession where I am trying to learn multiple tools at once and at the same time improving the way I learn as I go. Something was unlocked in my brain in the past month and it feels like I am only becoming more aware of it at this point. I have been doing and doing and doing, as if the past few months spent ruminating about the concepts was the moment when I am establishing the blueprint, the plan in programming myself to do the things I want.

The conceptual framework that I have established is now being implemented in the present. I haven't been thinking too much about my thoughts and thought processes because I have already integrated the plan in the things that I want to do. I have thought about the things that I want to do so much that I have reached a point where doing the things I haven't done before already becomes automatic and second-nature.

I almost doubted my luster and perhaps I have attributed my level of productivity to the level of my intellectual activity. So this is how it feels like when I have automated the foundation of my being and I reach the implementation state. This might be a longer journey than the months spent thinking during the first half of the month.