Suggestion · thought · Nov 5, 2026
perpetually inconsolablePerpetual inconsolability and the phantom groove
Derrida and perpetual inconsolability: refusing narrative closure, leaving grief unjoined to lightness, and keeping absence intact as a phantom groove.
“a habit does not end when its reason ends.”
three weeks, or four, after bobbi died, i told my wife that instead of trying to think more about it, i would consider myself perpetually inconsolable. since then i have left it at that, even through the moments of longing in her absence. --- i said it so i would stop looking for a way through. --- i used to think i would make something. a zine, a collection of poems waiting to be written. it is not on my mind as something i should accomplish just to find closure, and even then i know there would be none. there is no sufficient narrative i can tell myself to justify what happened. --- since we moved, everything feels light. i have caught myself thinking that we are where we should be. then the second thought, the one i keep: not to mean…
