III. On the anxiety of desire’s fulfillment

The Other is in the act of desiring. I want too much and this desire chases me like a full moon. "A little bit of everything all of the time." I want it all. Enable my greed for wanting but not for obtaining. I am afraid of not having to want anything. I want too much and I am tired. I want not to want anything. I want to seek the end of desire. I want to be satisfied, to be able to say, "Stop. No more." without guilt and remorse. I want to be freed from all the things I can control in order to see myself. To see my othered self devoid of all this wanting. A self that has been wearing the fiction I created on top of all things I desired and kept on desiring to hide the inevitability of meaninglessness. Now, wanting has become a force of habit that takes its own form: another othered self. The satisfaction of all my desire and my deliberate attempts to do so will only be fulfilled by hoping for the arrival of the absolute future. It is in waiting that this fulfillment can only occur and not by action. I am here. Suspended by anxiety that this will never end. These chains of wanting, of objects, and of selves. I want myself. In wanting myself comes the realization that I am not myself. I want what I lack. I want to have that lack to end this fear. Give me myself.