2025-03-07

A more thought-out sentence is what I am envisioning to have this log practicing to evolve into. At least, to carry a bit more sense and a bit more flow, rhythm, and beat. To feel myself in the third person. I want to feel an othered sense of self. To even think that this feeling is being desired. Then perhaps I must deliberately stray from my vernacular language. Two months is enough for me to adjust where my approach to language would be (at least, it is something that I believe).

Something was lost in February. Remembering the topics that I wrote proved to be much more difficult whenever I am faced with a similar idea from the past. But at the same time, February was more of a month of recovery, sprinkled with some inconveniences that has been recurring almost every day. Our neighbor's gate is about to be done. Probably a couple of days are what it will take before its actual completion. Just some minor alignment with some panels are needed and perhaps what follows is a long period of peace.

This may still need a little bit of self-investigation but I am trying to observe my relationship with noise. It was written all over my February logs and now that a distance is in the horizon, I am having some realizations about it, especially with how I react to it. My preliminary thoughts about it is presumably that I am somehow making it a scapegoat to my inattentiveness and despondency. This one, is something that is most likely but as what I have stated, would require some more investigation because while it may be true, there must be an underlying reason why I think this way and why this is my immediate reaction. To address this emotion, it is probably similar to how I used to tune out my thoughts during high school and college: by loud music. Thoughts get to ride in the backseat of my brain and they somehow stay there obediently like well-trained dogs. I would like to revisit this at some point. I want these months to make sense as I try to make sense of every single day.

Let's develop a certain unit of measurement as we go along. After all, I still feel that this is a pretty quick development considering that I've only been doing this continuously for three months now.