2025-03-10

Let's try a different format. I thought what it would mean to have a retrospective perspective on time and experience. Oftentimes, I find myself wondering, especially in times of mental fatigue and moments of despondency: will things get better if I just sleep this off?

Looking back has always been an activity that I am constantly doing. It is only possible after a certain time has passed. Looking back on events that happened a few hours ago sometimes lead to a superficial reading of events. And so, recently I am reminded more and more of the aesthetic distance when it comes to creation. I want to experiment with the transformative element of sleep in this equation of making-sense. I wonder what am I missing out on if I postpone my logs for a few hours.

I am struck with the dilemma of writing mediocre activities of the day or writing about a more meaningful piece every day. The difference between the two is the amount of effort and time it takes to satisfactorily create my log. On one hand, having these as different approaches in writing my logs make my writing process and mental load more easy. Writing at the end of the day before sleep is such a neat idea to have a concrete closure about the events that happened and all the thoughts I've encountered.

But lately, as I am being confronted by the practice of commitment in all angles, I feel like I must also commit to a certain level of commitment. And so I want to find that sweet spot--that balance between effort and desired quality of output. I believe that I have already fulfilled my commitment to consistency. But I know that I have also made some adjustments to achieve that consistency. I thought that in terms of experiential processing (the actual interpretation of the events of the day) and the moment of writing is too condensed. It feels like there is no time for subconscious thoughts to solidify a foundation of depth and enable me to look at things in better perspective where my mind is not forced or fatigued to make sense of the things that just happened.

I am taking this as another form of compassion for myself and an attempt to self-correct for better outcomes. This is another take at flexibility in the midst of commitment where I am committed to a goal and not the task itself. I do not know yet what this means but I trust myself that it will make sense soon.