2025-02-18

I'm feeling a daily sense of resignation that happens in a span of a few minutes to at least an hour. The source of this despondency is still unknown to me but I feel it everyday in intermittent bursts. Sometimes I feel like I'm perceiving the world to be turning too fast and time is just zipping past me while I stand unfazed and unbothered by everything that's been happening. I know that it's an illusion and that everything is just happening inside my head. My take in all of this is that this is an underlying emotion that has been running my entire February.

I do not feel hopeless. I do not feel like giving up. But there is this sudden feeling of fatigue that just makes me want to stop and just lie down. Spiritually, I think I've never been this full in my life. I can say that I am alive on the inside, but the world feels out of sync in my head. Everything outside me seems like they just start to exist and I couldn't care less in figuring out why.

Have I thought a lot of things recently and my mind just want to just give it a rest and drop every intellectual endeavor right now?