2025-05-28

A huge part of me wants a reset from everything. I don't even think that I am burning out. I just think that I am losing interest in everything. For some reason, at some point, daily work, which used to gave me a sense of purpose and direction, suddenly stopped making sense. I started going beyond deadlines without consequences (or perhaps this very thing that I am experiencing is the consequence). Not getting reprimanded felt like any sense of urgency has been stripped away. Meaning begin to fade because all of this has left me only feeling like I am stuck in a limbo. I stopped feeling anything that gives me fulfillment at work so I've begun looking for it in other places. And I think I may have found it.

In my mind, I'm having difficulty trying to hold on to my current job while starting on my chosen alternative path. I believe that this will be another war of attrition in finding my rhythm as I'm also trying to internalize the frequency of interruptions in my daily life that I am willing to tolerate.

This week feels like it has taken a lot of my mental energy by talking to a lot of people and being at the forefront of a noisy environment. There is a sense of entrapment, where I am forced to confront while at the same time, I know that the right thing to do is only to endure. There is a lot of balls to juggle and I can't drop any of them right now.