2025-05-06

In light of turning small talks into actual conversations with some family members, I had decided to carry out the duty of always attempting to understand or form a connection. This has proven to be difficult in the midst of years of solidified familiarity, which is a type of understanding and perception of people that the brain conveniently accesses to create that immediate sense of knowing.

"My uncle has always been like this," "My mother has always seen me this way..." therefore I act according to that established bond. What I realized was what was established was created, forged, and sustained from when I was a young boy, unconsciously trying to create this sense of self that those who have seen me grow had accepted as the kind of person that I am. There was no resistance and I just took the world in as I go along the rhythms of life and recognition of other people around me. I became the person who is what I had been doing all along. I became my actions and the seeming it did to the eyes of those who witnessed my growth. Overtime, it became into this undeniable perception of behavioral patterns of who I am based on who I was. This is something that I am fighting against because I have also unconsciously formed an idea in my head about the different types of personalities that are the individuals in my family.

I'm considering this as the actual principles that I have been blabbering about duty and discipline. I am only praying that I can uphold them earnestly and diligently, without succumbing to the temptation of convenience of a quick exit.