2025-06-08

There is a whole lot of frustration that brewed this weekend. I was actually hesitant to write a log for today but as the evening passes on and as I approach the time when I am supposed to sleep, I felt a deep sense of need to put down some of the things that have been running in my head.

To be really honest, I only have the feeling of frustration right now without the actual reason being revealed to me yet. I feel that at this point, it has only been appearing, making itself felt, its presence signaling something that there is an unwanted event that is already on its process to be known. If I were to try and interpret this occurrence, I will know and understand everything that has been happening to me in due time. Right now, what matters is that I am open to the fact that everything is not okay.

Although, the previous week presented a lot of opportunities and lessons that I am bringing into this week that's about to start. A lot of realizations that allowed me to commit to the things I must do this weekend. But I'm starting to feel that in the midst of some aspects of clarity that has befallen me, there are some unintended subconscious realization of costs and consequences. At this point, I am putting a lot of words in saying that I am intuiting a sense of danger but I can't really say for sure if it really is. All I know is there is a looming feeling of unease at the back of my mind that became real in the past few hours.

Perhaps, if there is a positive foresight that I can ascribe to this is that my body is reacting to a future anxiety that is based on a decision that I had made, which is something known to me. I knew that this path will expose me to a lot of people. And now that I am taking the necessary steps to fully realize my vision, I can understand why my body may be reacting in such a way that prepares me for the future consequences of what I am about to do.