2025-05-14

Today's feeling was better, having done what I must do at work. Sometimes, there are just moments of anxiety where I get tangled by the emotions that I myself set myself up to feel. At the end of the day, worrying does nothing. Acting is the best antidote to anxiety, and confronting the cause of anxiety will always be the end of this imagined misery. It becomes a conflict between comfort and pain, where choosing comfort causes the internal pain of mental instability. The haunting idea of being insecure, of that private knowing that something is wrong. That the comfort of choosing to stretch the pain into little drops of uneasiness, of a glass of anxiety and doom becomes more tempting than the weight of confronting the actual conflict.

I would like to say that I would always want to choose to confront. But additional layers of doubting the certainty if this is the right thing to do. What I believe is that it is always the right thing to do but there is always a right way to perform a confrontation. Most likely it is defined by its own context. What is the problem? Who must be confronted? And how might the confrontation affect both parties? Everything must be put into consideration but it must always be under the idea that you must commit to the actual act of confrontation.

I guess this is one of the days when I have to numb my mind in rationalizing what has been happening around me. I cannot deny that dragging it out by avoiding confrontation has been taking its toll on me. But I still choose that this is something that I can learn from and this is an area that I need to improve on. Even without the urgency of confrontation, I know that in the near future, within this year, there are a lot of thins I must confront in order to live a life that I want. Not only for myself, but to also allow myself to be known by other people who I want to be seen by.