2025-06-10

I guess the whole sense of frustration that was brewing in the past few days were brought by this subconscious anxiety about an impending difficulty of conversation with other people. This just happened yesterday, which actually took a lot of my time and mental energy to focus on the things that I needed to focus on. I had difficulty trying to understand the sense of unease that I had been feeling last weekend even if I had some noticeable progress with my own projects. It felt like an irrational feeling, almost to the point that I am ready to dismiss it as untrue. That disconnected feeling of having an intuitive emotion about the things that are about to happen is something that I didn't know I will be able to experience.

I think, I am still recovering from it. The issue was somehow resolved yesterday but there are apparent opportunities in the future that will pose a risk of it happening again. At least, at this point, I am a bit more prepared, knowing the gist of what's about to happen but it will only happen as a worst-case scenario. The anxiety is still there, but since we've been through the initial surprise, I feel like it will be more manageable once it happens in the future.

The thing is this issue is happening under my principle of doing what is right, and with it, also doing what is good. I still feel this weight of my own sense of duty and principles that I know what I must do, it is the act of doing it that is away from my own emotions that is difficult. Again, I am faced with this difficulty of applying my own theoretical framework of living and interacting with people into practice. However, to my credit, I would say that I succeeded upholding my beliefs and principles, somehow ended in a good outcome, which is why the opportunity for another risk to happen still exists in the near future.

Perhaps, I am wondering that if that opportunity of risk disappears, somehow, I have failed according to my principles. Because it means that I have already pulled the plug, or given up to finding an actionable solution because we only encounter problems when we push through with our chosen path. There is nothing to walk on or problem to solve the moment we decide to leave the path. At least, this is a comforting idea that in the midst of all the worries and anxieties, I am right, and still doing good.