2025-05-27

A tug-of-war between maintaining focus and distraction is so apparent that I find myself sitting on my chair and staring into space. In my mind, I know what I should do, but I can't bring myself to do it. There is actually an apparent external distraction, which is this ongoing repair in the house. Steel against concrete vibrating around the house as repairmen isolate the water leak issue from our main water line. Me, staring at my screen trying my best to make some work done but I miserably fail as I can't even finish a single thought without being sucked into the noises outside of my room.

I've had a moment of true weakness earlier when I just sat on the room and didn't do anything just to make sure that my dog will also be assured that nothing is wrong about the house. It felt like comforting a worried child with a lie. I am utterly disturbed by the noise and by the fact that I can't do any work but I have to pretend in front of my dog that everything is fine.

This state of attempting to do something productive in the midst of unavoidable distraction felt even more tiring because every attempt is a failure fueled by my genuine effort. That effort is a finite resource, which is, if I'm just being honest, actually running out before midday. The capitalist society would tell me that I must recover, so I won't consider this day as a loss on productivity.

What I am more concerned with is the creeping mental toll everything--every interruption--has been brewing underneath my subconscious. I had been taking a lot of mental breaks from work to push me towards getting a little bit more energy just to get through the day.

If there is any consolation that I must take from this scenario is that the house issues are slowly getting solved. Albeit slowly, the anticipation for future interruptions are dwindling because some of the anticipations are already happening today.