2025-01-30

I really don't think I am mentally equipped to sincerely interact with people and be functional at work at the same time. This makes me wonder how most people even do it. My guess is it probably depends on one's exposure to it. I may just have capped the number of interactions I have with people, becoming unwelcoming to spontaneous additions of person to interact with in a day. As much as I can, I try to control this aspect of interpersonal interaction with people.

It always feels like I have this overall allotted energy for the day and I must allocate it beforehand, strategically, in order for me to gain the best possible outcome of the situation I desire. Any unplanned interaction that comes along the way, I know I can deal with, but since I didn't plan to allot my energy and attention to it, it will always eat up some energy for other things that are just about to happen.

Today, I had a long conversation with my would-be father-in-law. It was unplanned but we had a sincere and honest conversation. It went on for at least about an hour. That moment was me reacting to the situation. My afternoon workload was freed and I didn't have anything better else to do, so I decided to have a conversation with him, since he's also visiting our place. Now, five hours later after that conversation and my body is already begging to sleep. I didn't do anything else that is out of the ordinary today. On a regular basis, I should just be relaxed at this time of the day. Most likely, still thinking but not feeling fatigued. I was planning to just write one paragraph today, but I realized that after taking my evening tea, it is my body that has been feeling the despondency. My mind is still all set but there are a lot of factors that may have been contributing to this feeling of tiredness.