2025-05-02

The world has been becoming more of a reflection of my inner state recently. It seemed like there was a shift in my perception after being sick for days. When my body became degrees Celsius closer to the temperature of the soil in the afternoon, somehow I feel the earth tapped me into a connection with the collective consciousness. Perhaps, this is why I have struggled to go back into writing my thoughts down for the day after I finally recovered from sickness. Albeit, there are days during my post-recovery when I feel that I am able, my mind still hands loose and is draped by this haze caused by an unknown source. Possibly, it is just the inertia of momentum catching up to the accumulated mental fatigue I've collected throughout the days.

Because the world is becoming the mirror of my internal state, I have been thinking a lot about other people. And while I'm at it, I can't help but compare each every one of them to how I interact with the world, especially in social relations.

It has been weighing on me, especially when all of this can be traced back into some form of narcissism. It is tiring because I am developing a sense of compulsion to compare and analyze just to console myself that I am not like other people that I see.